


i was alone again in the unquiet darkness

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, Control, Denial, Depression, Fake your Death, Hurt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Sadness, Self Harm, Some comfort, Song Lyrics, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, What is sleep?, a lot of self harm, a my chem song, and lonely, and madly anxious, and sad, check tags for triggers please, f scott fitzgerald, i am an absolute mess, i am sleep deprived, past self-harm, please, please please stay safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-30
Updated: 2017-09-30
Packaged: 2019-01-04 21:49:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12177183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Patrick isn't okay.He thinks he is, but he isn't.Note: Dear Evan Hansen is underrated - its got such a good soundtrack and hopefully i can see it at some point.





	i was alone again in the unquiet darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to thank all my readers, for all the support and love you've shown me.
> 
> It means the world to me and helps lift the heaviness of everything I guess.  
> Title from the great gatsby - i read it the other day - tis very good :D
> 
> Writing these stories helps a lot, those who i talk to in this community do as well - so thank you.

It was quite ironic really. 

Even though Patrick was a year older, he was still seating at his desk, music blaring from his headphones, cutting through the fog in his head.

The infinite, terrifying fog that that smothered him. Tightening his chest, heightening his anxiety.

He was still cutting the words out.

Armed with his sharp instrument, he hurt himself.

Saw the blood drip, felt the sting.

Felt all his emotions disappear as the metal tore away part of his armour - making him more susceptible to completely disappearing.

He dropped the sharp piece of metal he used to leave lines on his skin, to make existing hurt less.

The tears were stinging his eyes - but he willed himself not to cry.

**_Don't let anyone know_ **

**_Die_ **

**_Die Die Die DIE DIE DIE_ **

_YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT_  
  
YOU ARE NOTHING YOU HEAR ME

**_and no one cares._ **

"I call bullshit - some people care." He said aloud, strangely calm, chuckling to himself.

The sun seemed to refuse to shine upon the crying boy.

The thoughts had come back.. he thought he was better.

But he wasn't.

He blinked, black creeping around his vision - the sleep deprivation taking its toll.

He turned up his music: the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack helped a little bit.

But it didn't help enough.

It didn't help the fact that the very same morning he had fantasised about going into the city and jumping from a bridge.

Then the hurt would stop.

It would stop.

He would be okay.

People would miss him, undoubtedly, but they'd forget soon enough - after all, he was nothing.

He was disappearing. 

Patrick Stump is careful not to blink - for fear he will disappear completely.

He loaded up a song - Fake Your Death by My Chemical Romance.

_I chose defeat_

_I walk away_

_And leave this place_

_The same today._

Gerard's gentle yet passionate vocals reverberated around his empty room.

Patrick hoped he would fall asleep tonight - he really did.

But he didn't most nights.

He would wake up; regret and self hatred deep in his bones.

And with all his effort and motivation (which was virtually non-existent) he put his tattered mask on.

The mask with the smile, the "I'm doing good.", the lies, the empty promises, the fake laughs.

He knew Pete cared about him.

Pete cared too much sometimes.

But Pete would be lost without him.

He liked it when they hugged. He liked it when Pete let Patrick talk.

Pete was the only one who could see through the other boy's crumbling, peeling mask.

Patrick Stump decided to stay - with what little hope he had left he was hopeful that

it would get better and

that it'll all come together.

**Author's Note:**

> stay alive
> 
> I feel like I'm drowning, in a sea of static and darkness and negativity and no matter how hard I try, I cant stop.
> 
> The suicidal thoughts are getting worse - I wrote this as an attempt at compartmentalizing my emotions.
> 
> Said attempt failed and I ended up triggering myself - I'm such a smart person.
> 
> So thank you for all the kudos, comments and hits.
> 
> Writing gives me purpose - makes me feel like I'm something.
> 
> Keep running guys x


End file.
